When the High Fades: Sex After Sobriety

When Weed Was More Than a Habit

I used to be high, like, a lot. Morning, night, and pretty much everything in between. Weed wasn’t just part of my routine - it was my routine. It helped me sleep, quietened my anxiety, gave the world a softer edge. And when it came to sex, I was completely uninhibited and buzzing with confidence.

The Bedroom Without the Buzz

Being high made me feel free in my body. Sex felt electric. Intimate. Like I could shut my brain off and just feel. So when I made the decision to get sober after years of smoking, I didn’t just lose the high, I lost the version of myself I’d come to love in the bedroom.

Sober and Self-Conscious

I stayed completely clean for 9 months. The first time I had sex during that period it was incredibly confronting. I was so in my head. Everything felt stiff, overthought and disconnected. I didn’t feel sexy. I felt like a stranger in my own skin.

To make it harder, my body started changing too. Without cannabinoids constantly in my system, my metabolism shifted. I gained weight. Clothes fit differently. My curves softened in places I wasn’t used to. And while I’m all for body positivity, it’s not about how you look to others - it’s how you feel. Suddenly, I felt even further from the confident, sensual version of myself I once was. That didn’t just affect how I looked in the mirror - it affected how I showed up in the bedroom.

Reintroducing the High (With Boundaries)

I eventually made the choice to reintroduce cannabis into my life - but with a completely different mindset. For the past four months, I’ve been using it sparingly and intentionally and it feels good to enjoy it without the grip of daily dependence. It’s no longer my security blanket; it’s just something I get to experience for fun, when it feels right.

The Truth About Raw, Sober Intimacy

But even now, sober sex is still something I struggle with. Years of being high taught my brain to associate pleasure with altered states. Unlearning that? It’s slow work. Tender work. But necessary.

That’s the part people don’t always talk about. Sex becomes raw. Real. And sometimes, really uncomfortable. Because you’re feeling everything. The nerves. The self-doubt. The vulnerability. And when your body feels unfamiliar too? That’s a whole new layer to navigate.

I’m learning to sit with it. To reconnect with myself and my pleasure in a way that’s honest and grounded - no fog, no filter. It’s not always sexy. It’s definitely not always easy. But I know this part matters just as much as the messy hookups ever did.

If you’re on a similar journey - whether you’re newly sober, sober-curious or just trying to shift your relationship with substances and sex - know this: you’re not broken. You’re not alone. Your sexuality isn’t gone - it’s just asking to be rediscovered. Slowly. Gently. In your real skin. With or without the high.