Off the market - but not off the mattress

Let me be blunt: I am off the market — but not off the mattress.

I’m in a relationship right now… with myself. And it’s getting pretty serious. We’re building a future together. We spend all our time together. We even finish each other’s sentences - or at least our to-do lists. It’s the first time in a long time I haven’t been chasing a connection, trying to decode texts, or wondering if someone’s emotionally available (spoiler: they usually weren’t).

Right now? I’m choosing me

I’m simply just not interested in the drama or the decisions of a full-blown relationship. I’m working on me. And honestly? I’m pretty f*cking great. I’m pouring my time and energy into my friendships, my businesses and building a life that brings me peace. My cup is full - and no one is tipping it over with their bullshit!

Still horny, just more selective

But let’s not pretend I’ve gone full nun mode. My sex drive is still thriving. I'm just being very intentional about what I invite into my space. I’m not looking for ‘the one’ right now - I’m making room for the one I’m becoming.

So, what does it look like to be off the dating apps, but not off the menu? To crave connection without commitment? Because sometimes the sex is still happening… the relationship just isn’t.

Not broken, not bitter, just busy

There’s this weird pressure that if you're not actively dating, you're either ‘broken-hearted’ or have ‘given up’. But none of that’s true for me. I haven’t sworn off love. And I’m definitely not curled up on the couch swiping left in between episodes of MAFS. I'm just… not in the mood to merge my life with someone else's.

It’s kind of wild how peaceful things feel when you stop auditioning for a role in someone else’s life and start showing up as the main character in your own.

Friends who fill your cup (but not your bed)

Yes, I still sometimes wonder what it’d be like to have someone to spoon me and make me dinner. But then I remember I already have friends who do all that (minus the spooning). I’ve discovered there’s a massive difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone feels like freedom. Being lonely feels like lack. I definitely don’t feel a sense of lacking at the moment.

The kind of love I’m full of right now

My life feels full - not of romantic love, but of meaningful love. Like best-friends-who-hype-you-up-in-the-bathroom love. Like late-night-ideas-and-wine love. Like beach-trips-with-friends-and-their-kids love. Like finally-backing-myself love. It’s the kind of love that lasts, even when the sex dries up (or let’s be real - even when it doesn’t).

Okay, but I did cry on the shower floor

That said… I did have a moment last week.

After violently throwing up and spending an ungodly amount of time laying on the shower floor (wet and pathetic), all I wanted was someone to scoop me up, wrap me in a blanket and look after me. I wanted to be held. Fed. Told it would all be okay.

But when all was said and done? I got myself up. I crawled into bed. I made toast and just slept it off. I’m actually pretty fucking strong - and so much more capable than I sometimes give myself credit for. I’ve learned to rest when I need it, to soften without falling apart and to trust that I can carry myself through the hard stuff.

Shout out to my emotional support freeloader

Plus, I’ve always got my dog Dice. My forever little spoon. My emotional support freeloader. If only he could cook me dinner once in a while - but no, he just stares at me and begs for snacks. Useless in the kitchen, but 10/10 for cuddles and companionship.

I’m never really alone

And in truth, I’m not doing it entirely alone. My friendships mean everything to me. I might be terrible at asking for help (guilty), and I often take on more than I probably should - but I know, deep down, if I really needed something, there are so many people I call family who would be at my door without hesitation. That’s love. That’s safety. That’s home.

Sometimes I even wonder if I had a partner… would I have the space for all of these wonderful people in my life? Would I be able to show up as the best aunty to all the little ones I adore? Would I still pour into my friendships the way I do now? I don’t know. But I do know I wouldn’t trade these relationships for anything - because they’re real. They’re consistent. They’re not love with conditions or expiration dates.

Sex? Yes. Situationship? No thanks.

Let’s address the elephant in the bedroom: I still want sex. I still have a body that craves touch and connection and orgasms. I just know that I don’t want everything else that tends to come with it right now - the emotional load, the communication gymnastics, the mental spreadsheet of “have I texted them too much?”

Casual sex is still on the menu - but it’s on my terms. Clear intentions. Clear boundaries. No expectation that it’ll turn into a shared Netflix account and toothbrush at mine. And when I am craving that kind of connection and there’s no one around, I’ve got a top drawer full of toys that do the job very well, thank you. (Loyal. Quiet. No emotional baggage.) If you’re in your solo era too, do yourself a favour and check out the Pleasure Pantry.

And if I’m being completely honest… I don’t even know if the men are really doing it for me at the moment - not enough to date one, anyway. Where did all the good men go? Because right now, we seem to be in an era where the bare minimum is being sold as a personality trait. And sorry, but I’m just not here for men who don’t know how to communicate, regulate or reciprocate.

I don’t need that shit. I’d rather stay single than settle.

This is my in-between era

I think it’s totally okay to be in this space - the space of wanting some connection but not all the commitment.

And if you’re here too? Welcome. It’s actually really nice. Peaceful.

You get to rediscover who you are when you’re not viewing yourself through someone else’s lens. You get to take yourself out for chai and have the best conversations with strangers. You get to stay out whenever and wherever you want without someone texting to ask when you’ll be home. You get to stay home on the lounge when you’re feeling exhausted. You get to have sex because you want to, not because you’re trying to earn someone’s attention or affection.

So no, I’m not dating. I’m devoting.

So no, I’m not dating right now. But I’m definitely not dead. And the only person I’m chasing these days… is myself.

So if you’re wondering if I’m “seeing anyone” right now - the answer is yes. She’s ambitious, independent, a little chaotic, but thriving. It’s me. I’m seeing me.

Dating me right now comes with no emotional baggage, no breadcrumbing and a guaranteed orgasm (because I know what I like).

No mixed signals. No emotional chaos. Just me - choosing myself. Loudly. Proudly. Repeatedly.