The Need to Feel Desired: Why It’s More Than Just a Feeling

I saw ‘the physio’ again this week, and there’s just something about him. He makes me feel so wanted—like lust on steroids.

For someone who’s battled body insecurities for a long time, this is huge. When I’m with him, I don’t feel self-conscious, or like I need to cover up. I feel sexy. Hot as fuck. Desired. Like my body isn’t just okay—it’s celebrated. He wants my body on display, no hiding, no insecurities.

And then there’s the sex. It’s not just about him taking what he wants—it’s about him making sure I know how much he wants me. That kind of desire is intoxicating, almost addictive.

It got me thinking: why is feeling desired so important for women? It’s more than ego—it’s something deeper, something primal. And science backs this up in some very interesting ways.

The Science of Feeling Desired

1. Desire and Self-Worth
   Studies have shown that feeling desired is directly linked to self-esteem, particularly for women. According to research published in The Journal of Sex Research, women who feel desired by their partners often report higher levels of confidence and satisfaction in their relationships. It’s not about needing someone else to validate your worth but about the reciprocal energy of being seen, wanted and valued.

2. The Psychology of Being Chased
   Evolutionary psychology offers some insight too. Feeling desired taps into primal instincts—the idea that someone would pursue you, choose you and prioritise you above all others triggers deep feelings of security and belonging. For women, this “chase” instinct isn’t just flattering; it’s a reassurance that we’re wanted in a way that feels irreplaceable.

3. The Role of Oxytocin
   Physical intimacy plays a huge role here. When we’re physically desired—whether that’s through touch, eye contact, or sex—our bodies release oxytocin, often called the "bonding hormone." This not only makes us feel closer to our partners but also reinforces the positive emotions associated with being wanted.

4. Desire as Emotional Connection
   For many women, desire isn’t purely physical. A study from The Archives of Sexual Behavior found that women associate feeling desired with emotional intimacy. When someone desires us, it’s not just about lust—it’s about being seen and appreciated for everything we are.

What This Means for Women

Women’s need to feel desired isn’t just about ego. It’s about connection, validation and the deep-seated human need to be valued. And while societal pressures often paint this as vanity or insecurity, it’s really about something much more profound: the joy of being truely wanted.

A Personal Reflection

Being with the physio has reminded me of how powerful it feels to be desired—not just for my body, but for my energy, my presence, my everything. Every look, every touch, every whispered word feels like a celebration of me. And honestly? That’s exactly what we deserve: to be celebrated.

Thoughts for the Ladies

So, ladies, let’s own this need to feel desired. Surround yourself with people who make you feel wanted—not just in words but in actions. Because when you’re desired, you’re radiant. And that’s the kind of energy we should all be chasing.

Disclaimer: The content on this account is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. Every individual’s journey of self-love, sensuality and intimacy is unique. Always prioritise consent, respect personal boundaries and engage in practices that align with your comfort, values and well-being.