The Ex Files: Can You Stay Friends With an Ex?
Ah, the age-old question: can you really stay friends with your ex? The answer, as with most things in life, is a big fat yes and no. It depends on your circumstances, your emotional boundaries, and let’s face it, how things ended. For me? It’s a resounding yes!
Let me explain. I was with my ex for 10 years, and while that might sound like a love story carved into the stars, it was anything but. Our relationship was volatile, and if I’m honest, I was deeply unhappy. I often felt alone, despite being in what should have been a partnership. We owned a house, I had stepped into a step-mum role, and he was battling alcoholism. It wasn’t the picture-perfect life I had imagined, and ultimately, we split.
Fast-forward six years, and here I am telling you that my ex is not only still in my life but someone I genuinely consider family. It’s funny because while we weren’t exactly “friends” when we were together, we’ve somehow become just that now. Yesterday, he helped me with a job that required some good old-fashioned “man power,” and we spent the time chatting and laughing. It struck me how much we’ve both changed. I love him in a way I never could back then—platonically, without the pain and pressure of a romantic relationship.
And honestly? I’m so proud of him. He’s been sober for over two years, has done a ton of work on himself (as have I), and found a new partner who’s been an incredible support to him. I see him for the person I always knew he could be, and it brings me so much joy. His partner and I get along too. In fact, she’s someone I’d call a friend. If I needed them, I know they’d both show up for me without question. As would I for both of them, and at times we have all been there for each other.
But How Did We Get Here?
It wasn’t always like this. The breakup itself was brutal. I lost not just a partner but also my stepdaughter, my home and the life I thought I’d have. For a long time, we didn’t speak. I was grieving not only the relationship but also the future I’d built in my head. I fell into a deep depression, and moving forward felt impossible.
Then, he reached out. He was finally ready to get sober and asked for my help. And even though I had every right to say no, something in me felt called to be there for him. That’s the thing about long-term relationships—they leave a mark on you, even when they’re over.
From there, things started to shift. Slowly, we found a new rhythm, one rooted in mutual respect and a shared history. Time, healing, and a lot of hard work allowed us to let go of the hurt and rebuild something new.
Reflecting on the Journey
Yesterday, as we laughed and talked, I couldn’t help but think about how much we’ve both grown. It’s almost as if we’re two entirely different people now, and perhaps that’s why this friendship works. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Our relationship—both the highs and the lows—shaped us into who we are today.
Next week, I’ll be attending my ex-stepdaughter’s 18th birthday party, along with my ex, his new partner and his ex (her mum)—all of whom have helped carve this beautiful young woman into who she is today. And I think there is something very special about that.
Sometimes, the people you’ve loved most deeply aren’t meant to leave your life—they’re just meant to show up in a different way.
Disclaimer: The content on this account is for informational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as professional advice. Every individual’s journey of self-love, sensuality and intimacy is unique. Always prioritise consent, respect personal boundaries and engage in practices that align with your comfort, values and well-being.