Dating Wrapped: 2024 Edition
As the year winds down, I thought it’d be fun to jump on the “Wrapped” trend—because nothing says self-reflection like turning my love life into a Spotify-inspired recap. So, here’s the real highlight reel: Dating Wrapped: 2024 Edition.
Heart broken: Once
This one really broke me—entirely. But I’ve slowly put myself back together, piece by piece. It’s been a tough road, but I’m stronger for it.
First dates: 5
Five brave souls stepped into the ring this year. Some came prepared with witty banter; others… well, let’s just say the bar isn’t set very high these days.
Made it to the second date: 3 + one pending
Honestly, not a bad conversion rate.
Times I’ve said, “Men are trash”: 5,000-ish
Honestly, this feels conservative.
Times I’ve been ghosted: Too many to count
Seriously, why are people in their 30s still ghosting? Just say, “I’m not vibing this.” Texting me “good morning beautiful” 17 times and then vanishing is not the mature exit strategy you think it is. Grow up.
Biggest red flag I ignored:
“Looking for: still figuring it out” on their Tinder profile. Turns out, “still figuring it out” actually means “I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’d like to waste your time while I do it.” Lesson learned.
Hopeful online dating conversations that went nowhere: Sooooo many
The endless “How’s your weekend?” chats that mysteriously disappear when I suggest actually meeting in person. It’s like ghosting, but with extra steps.
New bestie: 1
The Animal Lover. After our first date, we both realised there wasn’t really a romantic connection, but we got along so well that he’s now one of my best mates. Honestly, it’s the kind of unexpected win you don’t see coming but end up being so grateful for.
Times my besties had to listen to me cry, “What’s wrong with me?” down the phone: At least 20
Shoutout to my besties for talking me off the ledge, reminding me I’m amazing and rolling their eyes while I sobbed about the guy who probably didn’t even have a job.
Best first kiss:
That honour goes to Baby Face - Under magical coloured hanging lanterns in a crowd full of people - it was a Hallmark movie moment.
Best sex:
This award goes to “The Physio,” who somehow knows exactly what I like and makes me feel hot as fuck. Honestly, 10/10. Would recommend!
Greatest conversationalist:
The Psychologist. I’ll admit, I was a bit worried heading into this one - I mean, I’m basically a walking case study. But wow, it’s refreshing to talk to someone with actual emotional intelligence. Talking about ‘attachment styles’ - Chef’s kiss.
Biggest takeaway of the year:
I’ve learned that I still have a type. Unfortunately, that type remains emotionally unavailable and allergic to commitment. Here’s hoping 2025 shakes things up a bit.
So there it is: Dating Wrapped 2024. Not quite a fairytale, but not without its laughable (and, some great) moments. Here’s to 2025—where I’m manifesting fewer ghosts, fewer red flags and maybe even someone who’s not just emotionally available, but is also great in bed and likes dogs. (Is that too much to ask?)