Libido 101: From Fireworks to Fizzle and Back Again
Let’s get real - my libido is back, and it’s making up for lost time! But earlier this year, things weren’t quite so spicy. Between a breakup and some major mental health struggles, my sex drive almost completely disappeared. I’m talking zero desire, not even for a solo session! I’ve always been someone with a very healthy appetite, so it was a shock when suddenly I just wasn’t interested. It was like my body just hit pause on my desires.
So what really affects our libido? Let’s dive into some common culprits:
Stress and Mental Health: This was my number one reason. I was feeling completely emotionally drained and my nervous system was taking a huge hit, basically putting my body into a ‘freeze’ state. When life feels like a whirlwind, so does your sex drive. Anxiety, depression and stress can mess with your libido big time. Your body and mind are connected in ways we don’t always realise. If your brain’s in overdrive, it's hard to feel sexy.
Hormones: Our little hormonal friends are in charge of more than you’d think. Things like menopause, menstrual cycle, pregnancy, birth control or even just regular hormone fluctuations can make you feel like your libido’s gone on a permanent vacation. Hormonal imbalances like PCOS or thyroid issues can also play a role.
Sleep and Fatigue: No surprise here - when you’re exhausted, you’re not exactly in the mood. If you're not getting enough sleep, your sex drive can feel like it's on standby.
Relationship Dynamics: If your relationship is on shaky ground, your sex drive might take a hit. It's hard to feel sexy when you're not emotionally connected, trust me. If things aren’t clicking emotionally, chances are they won’t be clicking physically either. Unresolved conflict or lack of communication can very quickly kill the mood in the bedroom.
Medications: Antidepressants and other meds can mess with your libido big time. It’s frustrating, but it happens to a lot of people. It’s one of those lesser-talked-about side effects that can really make a difference in how you feel.
Postpartum Realities: Bringing life into the world? Amazing. But it can also turn your libido upside down. Between sleep deprivation, recovery from childbirth and body changes, it’s completely normal for sex to feel like the last thing on your mind after having a baby. Hormones shift dramatically, and so does the focus - so don’t be hard on yourself if you’re not quite feeling it post-birth.
Physical Health: Diet, exercise and overall health can have a massive impact on libido. When you're feeling sluggish or unhealthy, that can translate to low sexual energy.
Ways to Increase Your Libido
If you’re struggling to get back in the mood, here are some ways to help reignite that spark:
Focus on Self-Care: Mental health first! Prioritise rest, relaxation and activities that make you feel good.
Focus on connection: Whether it's with your partner or yourself, feeling emotionally connected can help your body follow.
Communicate with Your Partner: Open up about how you’re feeling, emotionally and physically.
Try Something New: Sometimes shaking up the routine can be just what you need to reignite the spark.
Hormonal Help: If you think hormones are the issue, it might be worth talking to your doctor about possible solutions.
At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that libido ebbs and flows for everyone and it’s okay to experience dips. Our bodies are complex and life’s pressures whether mental, physical or emotional can take their toll. The key is to stay connected with yourself, check in with your needs and communicate openly with your partner (if you have one). Don’t be afraid to explore new things, seek medical advice if necessary and most importantly, give yourself the grace to move through the highs and lows. Your libido is a natural part of you - it’s not gone forever, probably just taking a little vacay!